She opens up her drawer, reaches for the phonebook, opens it up and finds a neat little compartment, with 5 shiny blades laid neatly inside.
Theres so many things wrong with my life right now. The only good things are that i have are a house, clothes, lots of material things, food and enough money to get by. My family is sometimes there for me. I know its a lot to ask for more… But can’t i? Theres so many people who have these things and more; friends, a certain person who loves them. They love themselves, theyre good looking. Their personalities arent disgusting and neither is the rest of them. They have talents. They have a fucking life. They dont have people who dont even know them hating them. They dont have people turning on them. They dont have people telling them they are ugly or annoying or fat. They dont have people talking about them. They dont have people giving them looks, calling them names, always thinking horrible thoughts about them. Hating them for no reason. Worst of all, they dont have mental problems. They dont think everyone is laughing at them all the time, they dont think they are incredibly fat, they dont think everyone hates them, they dont hear people laughing at them. They dont feel the need to starve to make themselves thinner, they dont feel the need to cut their body to make themselves feel numb. They dont cry every night, and they dont feel like nobody loves them. They dont change outfits at least 4 times in the morning because everything they put on makes them feel fat and repulsive. They dont constantly want to die. Whatever the way. They dont stay up until 3 in the morning crying, listening to sad music and thinking of ways to kill themselves.
my mom got all upset when someone posted a sad status in facebook. she thought they might be suicidal. she was begging me to message them. she was soooo concerned about this girl she didnt even know, and i hadnt seen in over 2 years. and she said if only i knew what it was like to feel alone. i started crying because she doesn’t know that i had just been cutting myself when she called me downstairs to see the post. i blamed my tears on her getting mad at me. the only thing is that if this girl was cutting herself, my mom would be upset and feel so sorry for her.. but if my mom found out i did, she would call me crazy and dramatic. she told mme just last week that i shouldnt be crying; i had absolutely no reason, my life was good, i had a family and food and a house, and that i was just being a drama queen. i can’t even. another few reasons wy i will always wear long sleeves at home, whatever the temperature.
